Society's Bright Future is Ahead

"I have a bright future, now that I have THESE," a woman recently explained to a journalist after having a boob job.

During America's explosive sexual harassment witch hunt, we must follow the purge of powerful predators with a look at the complicity of society, including women, that taught girls to pretend to go along, to not make a scene, that "boys will be boys" or that you must always say "no" to sex, even while undressing yourself.

I well remember that if a girl was perceived as well bred and actually raised her voice or fought date rape, she was no longer a lady. In those days, you could lose even if you won. I recall the teaching that a teen in the throes of passion might rightfully demand marriage if she became pregnant, but a teen who obtained birth control before or soon after becoming sexually active was now slut shamed because her lapse in decorum was premeditated.

I recall reading an account where a boy in parochial school was taught - with his entire class - that (heterosexual) rape was more sensible than masturbation because of the religion's view regarding procreation as the only reason for release.

It is not possible to gather the elders and ask them WTF. But we do need to weigh the many actions of men - whether ungentlemanly or felonious - against the enablement provided by society and notably society's women. It is the women who drag their daughters to the FGM (female genital mutilation) ritual in other societies, and likewise, we have our parallels here in the developed world.

We must be sure to weed out accusers who just want to jump on the bandwagon. Growing up, I felt that society was predatory to a degree that was damaging and debilitating to me personally.  Still angry, I do experience some satisfaction in seeing the fall of many of the mighty.  But I also believe that not every single "offense" is an offense.  I believe there are occasions in the mix where a man might be called out because of a joke that fell flat in a time when such a joke might be at least laughed off among many women or the score evened handily by rebuke, ridicule, or an equally tasteless riposte.  

I also believe some are coming forward to complain about a first sexual overture. That initial move of a sexual nature might be taboo today but under the social circumstances of yesterday, that first advance was where it was established whether or not the attention was welcome. We didn't have a universal norm in place where everybody knew that:

"You.

Just.

Don't."

The #metoo movement was a greatly needed watershed, demonstrating the astonishingly pervasive abuses in our culture.  As an older person, my particular astonishment lay in the fact that a great deal of abuse continues in a society I had regarded as post feminist.  It was truly a wake-up call.  At the same time, it is amazing to see major projects such as movie productions halted with the same deliberation as major construction projects when hallowed ground is suddenly discovered.  


Given that, it is very important to apply rigorous hygiene when making damaging accusations of great magnitude lest we lower the boom on actions that were merely sophomoric.

Sexual harassment and beyond is no laughing matter, and this purging at the top of the food chain is long overdue and sure to trickle down fast.  But the issue is so toxic that we can easily forget that with some transgressions, whether real or perceived and whether sexual, racial, or otherwise, the adult thing to do is to delouse it and move on. 

Just as today's attacks on sexism follow on the heels of attacks against racism, I predict there will be a domino effect while we examine more scenarios where at the end of the day, everyone will have pushed inappropriate social boundaries in some way, trickling down to the classes of regular folks and certainly including women. Maybe you or I will be accused by somebody. We'll be shocked, offended, defensive, apologetic, heartbroken, mortified. With the norms we had in place, there will be times when we had no idea an action would come back to haunt us, particularly if intent was misread.

Finally, it behooves us to be honest and fair to all while this is going on. And when the air finally clears, I think we'll see a future that is bright.